We hide behind a fake smile...

We often hide it behind a fake smile when inside were slowly crumbling.
The last few weeks have been extremely hard for me mentally. In work customers have been really vile. Its brought me down. Made me unbearable I am sure. I knew it was too much when the other night I put my son to bed and 10 minutes later he came down sat next to me and asked "mummy why are you so sad?". I was shocked and heart broken, I was trying to mask it from him and I felt awful he picked up on that. So we had a chat and he cheered me up.
Almost 2 years ago I had an attempted assault in work where a very angry man got very verbally abusive towards me and attempted to smash my face in with a near by tin. ( punched it towards my face and luckily just skimmed me!) One of the managers eventually stepped in (Reteesh) and he backed down. Everyone was just looking, watching, I wanted the floor to swallow me up. When he stormed off I litrally crumbled and had a panic attack. Calmed myself down and carried on with my shift. Police got involved with the incident. The next day I went to work.
So fast forward to now. Customers are making me angry, anxious, hurt. And these strong emotions and anxiety is apparently some form of post traumatic stress from that man.
So the doctors have upped my meds (again) as I'm really struggling to find any kind of motivation. Depression naps are more regular, and negative thoughts creeping in. I've neglected my Buisness and I'm being unpleasant at home which I then hate myself for ( it is such a vicious cycle!)
So there is me honest and raw and I know I am not the only one. So many people hide their mental illness behind a smile. Its just recently it has been hard for my to mask it.
#mentalillness #anxiety #depressiin #mpd #mentalhealthawareness #pts