National Mental Illness Day 2019

Living with depression.... Having Depression doesn't necessary mean always being sad.... Also having depression doesn't necessary mean I appear sad. Depression is feeling like a failure and having your confidence mocked and criticized. Depression is feeling angry and you cant explain why. Depression is wanting to just curl up into a ball and sleep and just forget the horrible thoughts that enter our head. Trust me Depression is no fun and us people with depression are not 'attention seekers', we just need you to be there for us. We don't like to talk about our thoughts so please appreciate and understand when we don't want to bore you with our woes. But maybe one day we do open up... if we do please don't ever use our venerability as a weapon against up. We are a walking time bomb as it is. And then you have its ugly sister Anxiety.... jeeeze. Where do I start. Anxiety is just awful. Small things like making that phone call or answering the phone. Especially if you do not know the number! Anxiety is throwing up all night for that job interview. Anxiety makes a new situation a million times worse than it is.  So when you live with both Anxiety and Depression it really is no fun. You feel isolated and alone, but you blame yourself for that because you hate social situations. If a friend cancels a catch up deep inside you're secretly cool with that because you were kinda dreading it anyway. But then you wonder why did they cancel... do they hate me? am I boring? I must be an embarrassment because the way I look. Am I ugly? Trust me everything goes through our heads, and its never positive. If on a very rare occasion we get the balls to go out and leave the house. I often go to a friends house or get a lift as entering a situation makes me freak out inside. And entering a room where people are there is just so daunting. Are they looking at me? why are they looking? look they are sniggering to each other about me. I look like a dickhead in my outfit. Do I look Fat?  Then there is ADHD. This is mainly where my anger issues come in. I can quiet easily snap and I can be abrupt. I literally have no filter and can be a real asshole. This part sneaks through first if I ever forget my happy pills. I have massive issues with focusing one one thing at a time. If you are a Facebook Friend you will notice this with my Amber Noir Lingerie business and being part of the Parrot Society UK.  People I work with will recognize my ADHD with my incapability to stay still! I have to be on the move or doing something when I am off a till. So all in all I am just a whole lot of crazy. In the past I've had experiences that have majorly impacted on my mental health. But Obviously I don't want to bore you. I literally just typed a lot and then selected and deleted. Typical. So basically being national mental health day I just wanted to share my experience and issues to just let you know you are not alone xxxx